A special mention

This blog is about G, who deserves a special mention today for being such an oddball. When I met him I didn't think we had anything in common. He's so damn young, that it's hard to imagine a future. Still, he's got me hooked. Like the song goes, I can't get him out of my head. His funny emails make my day. He's been quiet this week, with extra work on...

Some G-isms:

After we were invited to a free Salsa night in Clapham park.

"Salsa was my first love, but the more competitions and prize money I won, I found myself becoming more and more detached from the dance itself. It’s all red carpets, champagne and celebrity endorsements these days when really all I ever wanted to do was Salsa. It’s that simple. If I went to Clapham tonight I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself with all the screaming fans, paparazzi and freebies that I get showered with at these events. I’m sure you can sympathise."

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!

YOU ARE THE 1,000TH PERSON TO SEND G* AN EMAIL AND HAVE WON A SPECIAL, LUXURY, BONUS WEEKEND!!!

Your boss has been notified and you are free to leave the office right now for two days of relaxation and leisure!

ENJOY!!!

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Me: Milkshake milkshake

G: Strawberry smoothie, Greek yoghurt.

Me: Marshmallow. Sausage.

G: American Pie, Bratwurst

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Me: My new baggy t-shirt makes me look a little bit pregnant. I can walk up to a guy in the street and say ‘Yous knocked me up and Pa says yous gots to marry me or he’ll shoot you like a dawg.”

G: Be careful, that’s a sure-fire way to get married. Proposals like that are legally binding in this country.

Other ways of forming a legally binding contract that you should know about:

Spitting on hands and shaking
Winking
Mutual tickling

You have been warned.

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I realised this morning that you left your chewing gum at mine last weekend. As I might not see you in the next couple of days, I will post this to you this afternoon and, God willing, it should arrive safe and sound tomorrow.

I know you must be pretty distressed to learn this and, for what it’s worth, I can only express my deepest regret that it didn’t come to my attention earlier.

At what must be a difficult and trying time for you and your family, I offer you my support and a shoulder to cry on. Together we can make it through this sorry mess.

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G (on my expensive shoe buying habit):
Your punishment for crimes against your bank balance is to incinerate the shoes and snort the ashes, all of them, right up, deep and hard. Failure to do this will result in immediate and total destruction of Australia.

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Just Googled sake and apparently it's best to reduce its temperature to -150 degrees using liquid nitrogen, shatter it into a fine powder with a simple knock and snort it in 10 kilo doses.

This is said to have quite "pronounced effects".

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If you haven’t got their email addys, just make them up. They should still get there thanks to the benevolent interweb operators who look after emails and websites and stuff.

Just make sure they don’t get into the hands of the evil web weevils who spread viruses, crash computers and alter emails to say the exact opposite of what was written. Buggers.

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Found this travel news on the interweb…

'Flights out of London Heathrow are likely to be subject to delay over the next few weeks whilst British Airways technicians complete the task of fitting AMRAAM air-to-air missiles and 30mm machine cannon to all of BA's Boeing 747 and 757 aircraft.

'A spokesman for the company insisted that, despite increasing competition between airlines, the "modifications" were entirely an anti-terrorism measure, and would only only be used to fire upon rival airlines' planes "if they get in the way".'

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Know very little about online publishing trends, other than the !BLOGGING PHENOMENON! Will life ever be the same again?

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Whoops! I just accidentally put the phrase "die you f*cking c*nt sh*tter" in an email to my boss.

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Me (angry): There is no lexicon for the gesture I’m making at the monitor right now.

G: I’ll try to put it into words: You are feeling avant-garde and you are saluting the screen. Close?

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G: Forgot to mention earlier that your bling-o-meter rating has been steadily increasing to a barely credible 4.7 out of 5. At this rate, you’ll make senior vice-president for bling by the end of the year.

I’m so proud of you.

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“This is one of the most exciting times in Horse & Hound's history”

Not as exciting as back in ’83 when they discovered that horses could fly when people weren’t looking. Ah, the memories…