Cut it right

Half an hour for lunch is just enough time for me to walk into TopShop, try on about 5 things and get frustrated at the cut of the clothes, or the shape of my body, or both. I’ve done this 3 lunches in a row this week but I keep going back, and every time they actually do have a whole new range of clothes. It seems everyone is already wearing them everywhere. It’s like a form of hell/self torture/never-ending nightmare…

A small note to designers.

1. Zippers
You may have noticed that women have an hourglass figure. This means their waists are smaller than their shoulders. So it makes sense for the zip to allow enough room to go over the shoulders, not just for the narrowest part of the body. While the dress fitted fine once I got it on, trying to take it off resulted in me cutting off the circulation to my head.

2. Pleats
Don't use them. Never.

3. Long shorts
Sick of the long shorts look, but out of desparation I finally bought a pair. I look like a pirate/Avril Lavigne/lesbian. Why can't I find a skirt in this town? A simple A-line black skirt. Is that too much too ask?

4. Military jackets
I kinda like the 40's glamour revival - what they're calling the aviator theme. An beautifully tailored jacket with sharp lines works well with flowing dresses. There's something sexy about it. It's like it's 1941, you're walking home from a dance in your pretty dress and your man, on leave from the front line, had draped his jacket over your shoulders. At the moment I can't get past the amount of shiny buttons. Also, I'm a pacifist. But it's growing on me. Got my eye on a great khaki jacket, wide lapels, loads of buttons, extremely tailored. Just need the skirt to match.

5. Skirts
Knee length pencil or A-line please, in a nice warm winter fabric. Plain black. Maybe khaki.

6. Flat boots
Slouchy boots are in, to be worn over skinny jeans. Please make me a flat pair, chocolate brown, that goes over my mega fat calves. How do these women have such skinny carves? I bike ride, and run, and do weights, and yoga, swim, ballet... But still there chunky.