All by myself

Why is it that whenever I go through a break-up, I find myself going into shops that play the soundtrack to American Beauty or The Piano as I buy herbal teas.

Day 1 of He-tox:

* Rejected advances of Office Crush, and declined drinks invite. Excellent.

* Spent day proactively job search. Good idea but ended up crushed by more rejection.

* Sent G a last email getting stuff off my chest that I couldn't say in person on Sunday, which he replied to. Ignored his reply. Mediocre. He doesn't deserve an email at all. But it's all out there now and I felt better for it. Now walk away from the computer.

* Messaged the ex, after he got the wrong end of my email. Had a silly conversation, when all I wanted to do was indulge in self-loathing and get reassurance, I avoided it all to talk about people we knew, and his plans for future. Kept it light. Nice to catch up.

* Got call from Steph. She was brisk and brutal. 'Get some rest. Go to the gym. Snap out of it.' Resulted in tears once off phone. Terrible.

* Got on email and drafted and redrafted a reply to G's email. On the slippery slope. But I didn't send! Excellent

* Phone call from exhausted friend at 10, her aunt is very sick and about to pass away. Puts all this stupid he-tox thing in perspective.

Day 2 of He-tox:

* Disaster. Sent G a text about a lost book. Excellent he replied about my trousers, and then replied again saying it seemed 'symbolic' and asked how my toe was. Excellent 2 -1. Replied that my toe was sore and dislocated. Now equal.

* Steph's rough and impatient attitude has made me mad. I wanted a coffee, but she doesn't have time. Only the gym and then off to meet her other friends. Obviously now that I'm not with George, I'm not in the same tier of friends. Hate her stupid system.

* Office crush proposes throwing Steph in de Thames and asks me out again for drinks as mates. Excellent. Got a friend!

* Maggie takes me out for midday wine and chinwag about work prospects. Let's me tell the whole sorry boy tale. Good to tell someone, rather than only write about this to people who don't read blog, or email anymore. Put some more pieces in perspective. I'm more upset about losing a good friend than being single. Don't give a rats about being single, but I do miss having a group of friends, and sharing some laughs with George. I'm angry that he lied, more than anything else.

* Going to gym for swim. Shame I can't thrash it out in a proper session but toe is still in agony. At least I'm keeping active.

* Got a job interview for Friday.