Game Over

Realised from reading yesterday's blog that I'm at the stage where I'm sabotaging any potential relationship because I'm scared of getting hurt again. G is lovely, really. Our first real interesting discussion is when I told him that if you can't be emotionally independent and strong then you won't be able to survive. And he said that's interesting because it is reflected in my attitude to life. But it's fundamentally wrong. People need people. He's right on both counts.

I'm scared of intimacy with him. He keeps trying to get beneath the surface and I keep locking him out.

It's time to end it.

He's back tomorrow. Best end it before I go away.

I miss the ex. At least I always knew what made him tick. Although he's a virtual stranger nowadays. I keep thinking about this way he used to throw his arms around me and hug me from behind when I wasn't expecting it. The way his little beard felt on my neck.

I lost my faith in the summertime
Cos it dont stop raining
The sky all day is as black as night
But I'm not complaining

I begged my doctor for one more line
He said son, words fail me
It aint no place to be killin' time
I guess I'm just lazy

I dont mind
As long as theres a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine
If you give me a minute
A man's got a limit
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it