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Just got back from Turkey, very much brown and relaxed. The most amazing holiday, so beautiful and lovely. I have improved my sea diving. Much easier in a still sea and can drop down quite a few body lengths. Quite hard on the ears, and if you come up too quickly, you get bubbles in your blood... which is maybe why I feel a bit odd.

Had a great time with George too. We get along so well and yet are so different. He makes me feel like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz 'If I only had a brain'.

Still swaying from the boat cruise and v tired. 3 hours sleep in 10 min slots over past 48 hours.

Tried to check my thousands of emails. Found myself deleting most of the things I'm subscribed too - such as Times etc. Suddenly a Builder AU email is in my inbox, complete with ex's photo. I have already unsubscribed to this, but I hit unsubscribe again. No doubt ex will feel a bit weird to see my name in his inbox again, but they should work out their unsubscribe properly because spam laws could get them in sheeeet.

Found myself check his blog for the first time in a few weeks. Saw the latest developments with his new interests - tennis etc, the girl on the scene, attitude to work and desire to travel. It's funny that when you meet people, it takes you a long time to get to know how they really think and what makes them tick. But when you read their blog, you get to know them more directly without even knowing what they look like. Feel like I knew ex pretty well, but today I caught a glimpse of a different side.

Perhaps I'm seeing a few things a lot clearer - and that helps me to realise that I'm in a much better position now on the other side of the world, living my own life and not worrying about his happiness. The whole stress of whether he was going to end things to travel, or to stay at his job that he was unhappy at - that whole indecisive aspect of him, I don't miss. Because it's hard to please someone when they don't know what they want or whether the future even has you in the picture. It's harder still when you care about them...

It's obvious we've both changed heaps. I know I have.

I'm in a strange position with the possibility of feeling something quite serious for someone, but that whole expiry date in my visa is a bit of a Damacles Sword (or at least, it could be). Don't think I could cope with another break up overseas thing... But can I just lock myself away for 2 years emotionally?

This blog is making no sense. Still so jet lagged. But posting as is because stream of consciousness can be a nice release.