Poster for the wasted generation

I should be on the anti-drug ad campaigns, I've been completely miserable all week. It could be the inclement weather, but I've been finding fault with everything all week. Everything and everyone, including my body even though I'm down to a measly 49 kilos.

Work - shmork. I've had 2 interviews lined up this week. One was with a cowboy. Actually, that's generous. He was a cock. Arrogant, uninterested, interogative and he still couldn't sell the mag to me. It was all the way out in Sutton and it was pretty much computerworld revisited, in every sense.

I got an email from ex trying to make some peace or find forgiveness. Drafted a thousand replies but in the end chose not to send. We broke up via phone, talked via IM and he apologises via email. Is this what modern people do? Is this the way of the future.

I know that he cares, so he must understand that I can't deal with it. I don't know what to say to him, and what he actually wants from me. Anyway, with this blog he has this window on my innersoul that he looks through, just as I peek through his every now and then just to remind myself what he is like, and where his actual desires lie - or who they are for now. I'm trying to forget that he was the one. I just want to have fun, be happy, live in the moment.

God, am I actually listening to bad trance? I am. I'm turning into someone I don't even want to know.

Off to interview number 2 in a minute so it's not the time to be thinking about emotions... Come on! Where is the happy smile?

...

Totally blew that interview. Totally fucked it. Firstly I had to reschedule it because I couldn’t get out in time and they hadn’t sent me the address. (11 to get there at 11.30). Then I turned up late, wet and totally nervous. I didn’t remember who I was going to meet. I’m dripping wet and going through my notes to not find any information at all, but managing to get my only copies of my work wet.

I answered every question at 100 miles an hour but in an open-ended way - not actually stating an opinion.

I said 'to be honest' way too many times. It sounds like that I'm generally dishonest and am just telling the truth this once.

I finished every sentence with 'so, um yeah'.

She asked me about an article that I wrote and I couldn’t even remember anything about it.

At one point I acted like I knew something about digital television by knowingly nodding, so she asked me further information and I completely ballsed up my answer. There was a pause, and then I admitted I didn’t know what I was talking about.

For salary: 'I'm currently on more than what you advertised for this position.' pause 'but I'm flexible on that. I would consider a revising my salary'. Mentally 'SHUT UP! SHUT UP!'.

By the end she looked scared of me. She wouldn't even shake my hand. I don’t blame her.