Kiss me for luck

I remember a year ago I was so happy that I felt like I needed to spread it around, pass it forward. I remember feeling guilty that there weren't people in the world as happy as we were at the time. There were people coveting some of what I had. I had money, a satisfying job, a boyfriend, great friends, and great place to live.

And I also had the memory of where I came from, of a time when I scraped together pennies to buy food, when I worked as an ice-cream cone maker for Royal Copenhagen just to pay the rent.

Now, well I don't have that same extreme feeling of happiness anymore. I put myself out of my comfort zone and travelled the world - so I have been lucky - but the feeling of responsibility for others still looms. There is something really huge missing from my life. There is a thought that has been rolling about in my head and growing for a while now. I missed out on the first round, but after a bit of digging I have found many different offers.

Really want to tell people too, because I could do with support and encouragement for this, but at this moment I think it is best not to jinx it. I can say it's not a completely selfless act. I mean, this is me we are talking about. But it is probably the biggest thing that I could do for other people.

The doubts are - am I fit enough? Will I get the money in time? Will I be able to finish it?

It has nothing to do with my life. There are more important things in the world than career and marriage. There is the rest of the fucking world, for a start.