New life

I'm lonely. Unable to inject any life or humour into my writing today.

Friday night, I rang and abused G for the first time. The next day I apologised, not for what I said, but for yelling. Not my style, but hell, did it feel good.

Moved to new place on Saturday. Unpacking all my things alone, without even music was sad. Got everything unpacked in a few hours, and then sat about my empty house, exploring spaces, noting the different smells.

Called G to deliver my stereo. We met at train station. After steering ourselves through some awkward conversations, we finally arrived at my front door. He put the stereo on the ground, handed me the earrings and turned on his heel. Not even a hug goodbye.

Saturday night I drowned myself in booze with Kev, Paul, Rob and John. Met some characters. A crack dealer, some prostitiutes, a couple of high-society girls slumming it for drugs in ghetto lands. Kept thinking of Sesame Street tune: 'These are the people in your neighbourhood'.

Walked home, found flatmate still up listening to music and drinking alone. It was his birthday. We stayed up drinking and talking till 4am - playing guitar too. Funny how much i actually still remember. I picked out Led Zep's Black Dog by drunken ear. Turns out he's a huge fan, so we whacked on the video and talked Pixies and other bands. Stumbled into bed at 4. Woke at 8 under crushing weight of hang over. Unable to move for 4 more hours or sleep on rock hard and vast lonely bed.

The Pixies fan flatmate was up too, and he cooked me breakfast. Poached eggs on toast. Think it saved my life.

With a 'today is a new day' and 'never again' mantra, I've resolved that this is the last time I drown loneliness with booze. It just makes me unhappy and stupid.

Went to gym last night and ran till my legs burned, then cycled till I could barely walk. Had a dinner of steamed veges and protein. Feeling one of my obsessively fit phases coming on - like last year when I lost 10 kilos.

Want to get fit enough to do The British 10k London Run. Run London!