I'm going on holiday!

Going to Australia for two whirlwind weeks. Should be fun. Had a dream noone remembered me.

Last 2 attempts to blog were killed by a glitch in the matrix so here is shorthand:

Sat - possibility drink was spiked. Got seriously ill at this party.

Fri - catch up with Jeff and Jo from Uni - with respective partners. Great chin wag about the old days. Epiphany reached. More later.

Thurs - dog races, good bonding with OC where I played drunken therapist

Drama on the tiles

On Saturday was at this party with G's friends chatting to some guy when I suddenly rushed to bathroom to be violently ill. Vomited on and off for almost an hour. G was convinced that this guy had spiked my drink. The guy that I was chatting to turned out to be a long time enemy of G's because he got a bit punchy with one of his friends once, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a drink spiker.

No idea what pushed me over edge but I bypassed tipsy to complete messy vomiting drunk almost instantly and with no warning, which is completely out of character. Pupils were dilated. Heart was racing. I sat on stairs, G stood in the doorway smoking and worried, watching me, trying to keep me awake. This guy left the party, edged past G. Nasty moment where I could see the two of them size each other up, G's obvious dislike for the guy, and this guy looked damn scared and slighlty guilty, shoulders stooped as he scurried off into the night.

Did he spike my drink? Certainly felt as ill as only a few weeks earlier when I had a bad reaction, but perhaps the alcohol abuse of the previous few days had stacked up against me. That has never happened before, and I would drink with the best of them.

Bit of a wake up call. Time to stop the abuse for a while. At least after the wedding.

Beauty drugs

Don't see what the big deal is about Kate Moss and her coke habit. Now they are saying it's rampant throughout all fashion houses. Obviously these drugs make you beautiful. If I learnt any lessons from Blow I learnt that. Sure their lives fall apart, but Kate and Johnny have cheekbones to die for.

Same with the Aussie girl and her stash in Bali. gots to get me some of that.

Plate too full

News from home makes everything seem irrelevant. Lot's going on, but my mind is thousands of kilometres away. Here are the stories anyway.

Firstly, went for third and final interview this morning. Much more gruelling than the other 3. Not sure whether to take it. It's not journalism, it's still tech, work hard hours. Ad for the job featured blood on a page and a boast that employees work the longest hours than any other firm with a 'do you think you can handle it?' Mum said I shouldn't because I've already worked hard (blatantly not true - but gotta love mum's). But it's not journalism!!!

It is one of those strange morning where I stayed in this flat that was like a bland hotel, and got up early for this interview, while the fog was rolling in. There is something comforting, about being up really early, in an unfamiliar environment, dressed in a suit and dealing with strangers asking intimate questions, don't you think? I can't decide whether I want this job and to stay here, or to go home to Aus and my old career.

Secondly, had a messy fight with G on Sat. Not going to air the details, but it was intense and stupid. He is scared of how he feels and he lashed out at me. He chased me to the train station and and made a public - not very English - scene.

So we talked soberly on Sunday and I told him it was too much. I've got a sick mum, a possible new job, old sharking mate getting married, friends much changed, and dealing with some emotional admin. Going home to say goodbye to my mother country for a while, and that's hard. Need time out to think about where I've been, where I'm going. I don't think I will know until I'm home where I belong. He has chilled out and given me some space.

Feel like I'm in some strange limbo land. Just to increase the ambience, it's foggy today.

Music - Elliott Smith. Weight - a healthier 52 kilos but feel dumpy because women are thickening. Wine - delicious Bordeaux from France and lots of it. Oh and Ketamine.

Highlight - OC entertained us all with an impromptu air guitar solo to GnR today.

Stiff upper, quivering lower lip

Some bad news from home has had me staring out the window and wishing for a different skyline. One with the Harbour Bridge. Not long now. Not long now.

Keep thinking about the view from the cabin window as I flew away from Sydney almost a year ago. Face wet with tears because I left everyone - and the ex - behind. Seems a world away, and yet seems like only yesterday. ah... sounds like a corny song lyric.

Sad talking to mum the other day.